Life is all about that you share with different people, the moments which you cherish and which are worth remembering. However, the choice of words while conversing with anyone goes on to define the moments that you will share with them. Wrong choice of words can always lead to unfortunate turn of events, including some which you will end up regretting forever in your life. So, you should be very careful with what you say when you are with or among your relatives and loved ones.
Adopted people are known to be sensitive, especially after the time when they come to know about their adoption. They need to be treated carefully and with love, so that they do not develop strong feeling of resentment against you. Though they are adopted, they have every right not to be ill-treated. Be selective with your words while conversing with these people, there is no need to be relative finder, as one wrong sentence can shatter their world and morale. Let us discuss some things which you should never say to an adopted person.
The grass always looks greener on the other side and that is the case while you utter this sentence. Being adopted is in no way a mark of distinction, so you do not need to utter this sentence in front of someone who is adopted. For you, adoption might be a better thing, but that person might not be very comfortable with this. Try to make out what they will feel when you say these words before speaking them.
So, while asking this question, the term ‘real parents’ is very important. Life is not an answer script where you are writing answers and get the chance to explain the terms that you are writing. So, what do you really mean by ‘real parents’ when you are framing this question for an adopted person? Do you mean their biological parents or do you mean the parents who have taken care of them? You will not get the opportunity to define the term in real-life situations while asking this question.
Most of the adoptees, especially those who are adopted at a tender age, are not even aware of their biological parents. In their world, the word ‘parents’ refers only to the mother and father they are living with. Again, until and unless you are very close to the adopted person or the parents who adopted that person, you do not have the right to ask about who their biological parents were. And even if you satisfy that criteria and it is really important for you to know, I will advise you to use the word ‘birth parents’ rather than ‘real parents’ while framing the question.
By using the words “you are different”, you are trying to isolate that person from the rest. As explained earlier, no one has the right to use being adopted as a mark of distinction. So, isolating someone on the grounds that he or she is not only a blunder, it is a moral sin. So, refrain from using these words in front of an adoptee!
This is another question which does more damage than repair. The adoptee is not liable to answer the question why his or her parents felt he or she was not needed. Also, you do not have any right to ask this question, so be quiet.
There is no worse and painful thing in the world than someone touching your raw nerve, and for a person who is adopted, being adopted is a raw nerve. So, how will you respond to people if they ask you how you feel when your raw nerve is touched? You will be horrified, at loss of words and would be thinking about the sheer audacity of the person who dared to ask the question to you! So, if you feel that way when your raw nerve gets exposed, why ill-treat someone else intentionally?
Learn to love people who are adopted, and rather try to answer all your queries yourself. Asking questions related to adoption, especially on the feelings of being adopted, brings the whole flashback of their lives in front of them. And for your kind information, the scenes from flashbacks are not very sweet ones. So, before asking this question to someone who is adopted, just remember my advice and try to answer your queries yourself.