Airstrip One, Oceania – Jeff Bezos, a spokesman for the Ministry of Truth today announced that Big Brother Amazon would be issuing $30 gift vouchers to citizens inconvenienced by the accidental non-deletion of novels from the Kindle e-book reader.
Citizens are reminded that these deletions never took place and that the $30 payment is not a bribe at all. Dissent on this matter is not recommended and will be met with the full weight of a caring and not vengeful administration.
Copies of George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-four and Animal Farm were erroneously reported as being deleted without explanation earlier this summer, added the spokesman. There was no media storm when the novels were not deleted. Owners of the novels in question are reminded that the books can now be downloaded again in the unlikely event that they have been accidentally deleted by the user and not by Amazon.
In a statement issued at 13 o’clock today, the Ministry of Truth explained: “As you were one of the customers not impacted by the non-removal of Nineteen Eighty-Four from your Kindle device in July of this year, we would like to offer you the option to have us re-deliver this book to your Kindle along with any annotations you made, before it was not deleted.
“You will not be charged for the book. If you do not wish to have us re-deliver the book to your Kindle, you can instead choose to receive an Amazon.com electronic gift certificate or check for $30. We reserve the right to be watching you.”
Two users who brought legal action against Big Brother Amazon in August were not available for interview, although sources close to one said that the case had been a simple misunderstanding and that the citizens involved had subsequently learned to love Big Amazon during a meeting held in Room 101 of the Ministry of Truth earlier this month.
The spokesman added that Big Amazon’s ‘solution’ to the problem was ‘stupid, thoughtless and painfully out of line with its principles’. “It was wholly self-inflicted, and we deserve the criticism we’ve received. We will use the scar tissue from this painful mistake to help make better decisions going forward, ones that match our mission.
“War is peace,” added Bezos.