The evolution of Lego's female scientist

Posted by Emory Kale

This is a testament to the growth of Lego as a company, or the fact that women are finally comfortable with having square, lumpy figures. Suck it, Heidi Klum. Everybody can't be a supermodel.

The news today is that Lego finally has a female Scientist minifigure. For those of you who don't know, don't care, or are freakishly plastic-curious, the female Lego minifigure has gone through a lot of changes.

First there was Forest Maiden. She was kind of a warrior, but still hot, if you know what I mean. It was an interesting way to go for the ladies but Lego, fearing anti-Viking backlash from the haters, never seemed to be able to follow through and was a victim of its own cultural self-loathing.

So, we got Hula Girl, a complete about face for the lass. Obviously, this was a period of hippie rebellion as our intrepid female Lego minifigure just went native and danced semi-naked around the islands, not giving any effs about anything. It seemed like Lego was doing everything to get away from its Scandinavian roots. Or, it could have been that the designers were working on this during the winter and they were hoping their bosses would send them on a field trip to capture the autneticity of a South Pacific eden for the minifigure. In the end, they probably ended up at the Sheraton in Maui during one of the tourist luaus on the beach. Am I right?

Finding herself without any visible means of support, our heroine reinvented herself as Pretzel Girl, finding a nice job in Bavaria, and taking long walks in the Alps. It was Lego versus Playmobil in central Europe so, you can figure Lego for pandering to its arch nemesis. That's true. Playmobil is a German company. Lego is a Danish company. This is a really well researched article, dude.

Of course, generic female Lego minifigure, or Jen as we like to call her, couldn't stay out of the spotlight for long and so, with nothing but a few Euros in her pocket, she headed out to Hollywood. She didn't want to appear too smart so, she went blonde and Starlet. Was she happy? We think the painted smile was just that: a painted smile.

But, she made some money. And for a while there, leveraging her celebrity, she fell in with the fashion crowd and spent all her time as a Trendsetter. Sure, it turned out to be an empty existence, but she had a giant phone and little dog. That's what most women want. Apparently.

That phase couldn't last long. Jen was no empty, air-head vessel, and frankly there was no market for a Kardashian-like sex tape for her so, she returned to her first love: chemistry. Yup. Chemistry. We didn't see that one coming either.

No longer young and having put on a little weight, but still sharp as a tack and easy to plug into any Lego landscape, Scientist lady is Jen's latest incarnation. Jen is empowered. She is smart, and those glasses prove it, right there! Girls with short hair and glasses are smart. Especially if they are holding beakers full of liquids unknown and wearing a lab coat.

This is not even half the freaky you think it is. Try searching for Lego movies on YouTube. That's a dark journey into The Heart of Darkness.