Hole in ozone layer was a good thing after all

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If it wasn't for the threat of huge tax hikes to pay for carbon offsetting and sanctuaries for Polar Bears, the sight of the world's leading climate 'scientists' running around like headless chickens in a bid to find an excuse for their latest cockup would be wildly amusing.

Remember those nasty CFCs and how they were destroying the ozone layer, causing untold harm to the environment? Well, it now turns out - if these clowns are to be believed - that because the entire French nation stopped using aerosol deodorants a decade ago, the hole in the ozone layer over the Antarctic is healing nicely.

Rather sadly, this is now increasing global warming, rather than slowing it. Whoops.

Scientists warn that as the hole closes up in the next few decades, temperatures on the continent could rise by around 3C on average, with melting ice contributing to a global sea-level rise of up to 1.4m. Over the last couple of decades, the continent as a whole has cooled, resulting in an increase of around ten percent in the ice in the sea around Antarctica.

The British Antarctic Survey now says that this cooling resulted from the ozone hole and that as it heals over the next 50 or 60 years, Antarctica will start to warm up again. What this actually shows is that climate experts and their sophisticated computer models ain't worth a spit. They assure us that underarm deodorants are bad for the vital ozone layer, so France has an excuse to stop using them.

Then it turns out a few years later that the ozone hole was a good thing for the Antarctic (but not so clever for people in the Southern Hemisphere suffering from increased risk of skin cancers, but who cares about Australians anyway?)

But the report, which you can read in all its hysterical arm-waving glory over here, contains the mother of all climate shocker facts. A bloke called Summerhayes wails alarmingly that Antarctica contains 90 percent of the world's ice and that, if it melts, it would raise sea levels by 63 metres - more than enough to allow the French to wash their armpits.

It's all terribly confusing trying to work out what's good and bad for the planet, but one thing is abundantly clear: that the scientists, politicians and pressure groups involved haven't got a damned clue what's going on either. Presumably this is why the University of East Anglia feels the need to fake its climate data to fit in with what its hopeless mathematical models are predicting.

And it's all very well for the US to bury its head in the sand over the problem - you haven't been downwind of France for the last 30 years.