1. You can pretend you are important and a yuppie.
2. If someone is boring you to eternal damnation then you can pretend you have just got a message.
3. You can bore everyone to eternal damnation by not talking to them and gazing at your Blackberry.
4. If your Blackberry has GPS and you've had 20 pints you can find out where you are if your eyes can focus enough to use the keys.
5. You can pretend you're a whiz at typing with the incredibly tiny keys while you're really just making the most horrendous typos ever.
6. You can pretend you're at your desk in the office when really you're down the pub quaffing 20 pints (see 4).
7. You can endlessly bore your friends by showing them pictures of your dog, cat, girlfriend, car, self.
8.See 4. If you're on a bus you can track your progress by gazing at your Crackberry rather than looking out of the window and enjoying life.
9. You can diss your friends by describing their iPhones as tois for the fanbois while you are a serious smart
10. You can have your Crackberry buried with you in case you're in a deep coma rather than actually dead.
11. If you forget to lock the keyboard you can accidentally call someone on your contacts list so they're forced to overhear your conversation about how great your Blackberry is. (This applies to many phones. Plus I asked you for 10 uses, not 11. You're fired. Ed.)