Today, for one special day, you’ll once again be able to buy, for a measly $1,500, the Alpha product from Google called Google Glass. Most folks get paid to test Alpha products, but you lucky people will get to do it for the cost of a really nice TV.
There are actually, particularly if you are a single guy, a lot of powerful reasons why you’ll want to tack a camera to your head and once you have it you’ll wonder why you didn’t do this years earlier.
Let’s talk about how Google Glass could change your life today!
If you don’t know what Google Glass is, the device is a distinctive (that’s market speak for butt ugly) screen and camera device you put on your head that provides limited information and can record your surroundings. It has a number of disturbing and helpful apps available to it like the one that records your facial expressions while you are having sex and shows them to you real time. $1,500 sounds like a lot of money but a pittance when you take into account how much wearing this device could save you money on dates.
Saving Money On Dates
Do you spend a lot of money on dates? Well, put Google Glass on your face and it works better than a festering mole to keep women away. Not only does it make you far less attractive, women really don’t like the idea that their date may be recording the event real time for whatever postdate use they might want to have. Just the thought that some guy they may have recently met might be enjoying the tape later either during a very private moment at home or with a bunch of his chuckling friends or co-workers over beer should scare the women away. Granted, Google Glass deletes video after 5 hours but that is likely 4 hours and 50 minutes more than needed to post it on the web where it can live forever! If you are a typical single guy that could save you up to $500 a month in dinners you no longer will need to pay for.
Church Friendly Birth Control
Worried about accidentally getting your date or spouse pregnant and then, after things don’t work out, having to pay child support? All you have to do is use the app that allows you to see your own facial expression having sex and you’ll be instantly celibate. In fact, that image should haunt you for the rest of your life - making Google Glass an ideal accessory for anyone wanting to be a priest or a nun. With that app, and just one use, you’ll likely swear off sex particularly in darkened rooms where your imagination will play back those memorable moments.
I imagine it won’t be long until some church group hands Google Glass out as a far better tool that the incredibly compelling and affective hypocritical abstinence lectures they currently use. In fact, since these things will capture sins in video, think about how they would enhance sermons changing them from static speeches to magnificent audio/video extravaganzas. Why just hint at drunken behavior when you can showcase it in all its embarrassing glory! Think of how much this will make your friends and neighbors keep you in their hearts and minds. They’ll likely volunteer to help you move, surprise you with a home redecorating project using creative substances like eggs and toilet paper, or provide facial adjustments all for free and often as a surprise!
People in bars and public places love Google Glass, they love it so much that here in California a woman blogger wearing one was chased out of a bar and attacked. Imagine how much easier it will be to exercise if you have 20 or do angry and slightly drunk bar patrons chasing you down the street? Or just imagining your next mugging should motivate you to make sure you attend your Spin classes more regularly and stay in shape. If you have a hard time losing weight, and don’t go anywhere near biker bars (you might not come out) Google Glass is the product for you! Google learned just how amazing this is as a motivator in Europe and how amazing they want to share that experience with you!
Excitement and Fame
This is a camera that you leave on your face most all the time. Like when going to the bathroom, bathing your kids, or getting undressed at night. Just think of the images it will capture that may find their way on the web. Think Instant fame folks! People may not know your face but they’ll likely know your name and parts of your anatomy, or the anatomy of your spouse, that normally wouldn’t see the light of day! Think of the excitement of meeting with your boss after a trip to the company restroom goes live or the chat with your wife and kids after a sensitive picture of them gets out on the web. You could be known internationally and just think of all of the meetings and conferences that you won’t be invited to anymore. All that time you’d normally waste at parties and meetings saved!! And really isn’t the couch a better place to sleep and aren’t careers overblown?
Have a spouse you are worried about? Not only will this device keep the opposite sex away (particularly from men) but it will likely record the moment they stray. Think how helpful that will be in divorce court and how much tender ribbing the caught spouse, well ex-spouse, would get once it came out they were wearing Google Glass during an affair. That last would likely put a grin on your face well into the 90s or at least until you remembered what else Google Glass probably taped…
Robert Scoble is a Whimp!
Robert Scoble tried to get a few folks to wear Google Glass in a bathroom and, for some screwy reason, they didn’t enjoy the product that much. Say what? A head-mounted camera in a bathroom on someone else’s head?!? Don’t they get how much fun that’ll be on Facebook and twitter? Scoble concluded Google Glass was doomed, what a softie, er, whimp! Google Glass is like a pronounced amazingly fragrant fart during a eulogy, it makes you instantly memorable!
Wrapping Up: Google Glass Could Change Your Life
There are few products in the market that could change your life like Google Glass. Folks will leave you alone, you’ll get surprise fame, and you’ll likely save a ton of money (short of legal fees which might spike a bit). All because you put a camera on the side of your head. Geez, don’t you now wonder why you didn’t do this years ago? You could be living back in your parents’ basement, single, and with someone else paying the bills! It is only $1,500 a true bargain for something that could change your life forever!!
While I won’t be buying Google Glass, I just haven’t done anything to deserve it, I look forward to hearing, and yes seeing, how this device will change your life and likely put you into the running for the incredibly prestigious Darwin Award. YouTube was built for Google Glass. Good luck with your fame and I look forward to seeing the amazing things you see with Google Glass.