iPhone 4 shot and killed by Navy SEAL

Posted by Aharon Etengoff

A retired Navy SEAL sniper has shot and killed an innocent iPhone 4 in cold blood at the Angeles Forest Range.

The unsuspecting iPhone was taken out by a 50 BMG 647gr M33 ball cartridge shot from a Barrett M82A1 rifle.

Crowds of emotional Apple faithful around the world have declared a day of rage, prayer and fasting to protest what some are already referring to as "The Day the iPhone Died."

"Today we are all Apple," a 24-year-old San Francisco woman named "Stevie" told TG Daily. 


"This is a massacre of unprecedented proportions. The iPhone was clearly shot in cold blood. It was peaceful and did nothing, absolutely nothing to deserve this cruel fate."

Another angry mourner who called himself Zak demanded an international investigation of the incident.

"Only the United Nations has the ability to conduct an impartial investigation of this war crime. What we have here is nothing less than state terrorism, aided and abetted by the military-industrial complex that has taken over Washington.

"You know, we all have a responsibility to speak up against injustice. We are chaperones of a very fragile democracy that has been weakened by the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld-Obama gang. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if they start shipping uncooperative iPhones off to Guantanamo in ugly orange jump suits without a trial." 


But a 40-year-old man who (understandably) insisted on remaining anonymous told us there were "two sides" (or maybe three?) to every story. 

"The iPhone 4 isn't innocent and persecuted like the Apple lobby wants you to believe. No, the iPhone has been linked to various Apple 'resistance' groups all over the country.

"It is a dangerous, subversive device that threatens our way of life and values. I think it should be banned and burned along with scientific books, pornographic magazines, bad poetry and the Bill of Rights. So, yeah, I support what the Navy SEAL did and so should you."