10 insensitive comments about Microsoft exec being appointed healthcare.gov fixer

Posted by Emory Kale
They had to see it coming. I mean, you put a guy from a company that is recognized as the world leader in the Blue Screen of Death (BSOD) and you pair him with a site that is supposed to provide healthcare for the masses. Like shooting fish in a barrel. Then, refusing to give said fish emergency care.
 
The Obama administration took the opportunity today to assign former Microsoft executive, Kurt DelBene, in charge of HealthCare.gov. He is the former head of the Microsoft Office Division. Let the festivities begin:
 
  1. If you see the BSOD, remember this is version 1.1 of the site, we should be good to go by version 3.
  2. If you see the BSOD, call your local congressman and get a free Surface tablet. There's plenty for everyone. Just take one. Please. Just take one. Any one you want.
  3. If you see the BSOD, remember that the site won't support Internet Explorer 4, any version of Safari, any version of Chrome, and any browser that doesn't have an Internet and an Explorer in its name.
  4. If you see the BSOD, you may have have to buy an Xbox Gold Pass to get access to the relevant Healthcare.gov pages. It's really great value, and if you don't, you are a commie bastard who wants the Japanese to take over the country.
  5. If you see the BSOD, you are not dead. You may be trying to access the site through your toaster.
  6. If you see the BSOD, you may be dead. You'll have to reboot and make sure that you don't see any bright lights at the end of a tunnel.
  7. If you see the BSOD, the World Government has not taken over courtesy of the United Nations, and Obama will not have grown horns and there will be no Sharia Law in Boise, Idaho. 
  8. If you see the BSOD, you may need to log in with your security key for your copy of WIndows. If you do not have Windows, you may need to just accept that you don't deserve to live.
  9. If you see the BSOD, you need to make Bing your default search engine.
  10. If you see the BSOD, you may not have done enough to stop the spread of malaria (Bill told us to put that in there).