We have facts, people. Unassailable truths that justify sneering at iPhone lovers and the bourgeoise followers that trail them.
1. What is the maximum amount of card storage for an S4 versus an iPhone 5? Well, it's zero, zilch, nada for the iPhone, and it's 64MB for the Galaxy S4. Hah!
2. Measure the screen for each phone and what do you get? 4 inches for the Apple and 4.99 inches for the Galaxy (they could have said 5 inches but they are modest too). Hah!
3. The Galaxy S4 does not shun T-Mobile, US Cellular and Cricket, but the fancy shmansy iPhone does. It would seem that giving people as many options to purchase would be consider a solid win and it is! Hah!
4. Can the iPhone 5 camera do burst mode, dual camera record and sound & shot? Uhm. No, it can't. Bye bye.
5. Talk time on an iPhone 5: 8 hours. Talk time on a Galaxy S4: 14 hours. 6 extra hours of Hah-ing!
6. The screen resolution of a Galaxy S4 is a whopping 1920x1080. The puny iPhone 5 is 1136x640. Anyone says retinal display and I will blow chunks on them for being a slave to overhyped marketing bull. Hah!
7. Does the iPhone 5 have HDMI support? No. Does the Galaxy S4? Yes, thank you very much, courtesy of microUSB.
8. Does the iPhone 5 have infrared? Oh, too easy. Just do it Galaxy S4. Kick ass, buddy. Hah!
9. The Galaxy S4 can sense barometric pressure, humidity and has a thermometer. Does the iPhone 5? No. This is so easy.
10. And finally: the Galaxy S4 has an ARM Cortex-A15 core and graphics co-processor. The iPhone lost me about 10 points ago. Puny smartphone!