Spare a thought for the other victims of the iPhone 4 antenna scandal - the company's employees. After all, they're the ones who are going to have to deal with you when you go storming in with your newly-legal handgun.
But it seems they've got it all worked out.
Boy Genius Report has gained access to documents which it says are the company's rules for support staff, detailing how to deal with complaints.
Steve Jobs being rather more efficient and succinct than many of the more clapped-out deities we seem to be stuck with these days, the list runs to only five commandments.
Job number one, obviously, is to point out to customers that the iPhone is simply perfect.
"Keep all of the positioning statements in the BN handy – your tone when delivering this information is important," the document warns. "The iPhone 4’s wireless performance is the best we have ever shipped. Our testing shows that iPhone 4’s overall antenna performance is better than iPhone 3GS."
Like his best buddy, Jobs is unkeen on having any gods other than... you know.
"Gripping almost any mobile phone in certain places will reduce its reception. This is true of the iPhone 4, the iPhone 3GS, and many other phones we have tested. It is a fact of life in the wireless world," says the advice.
If this doesn't work, and the pesky customer still continues to complain, then tell them to buy a bumper, it suggests. But, it says: "We ARE NOT appeasing customers with free bumpers – DON’T promise a free bumper to customers."
Because obviously that would cripple the company financially.