The iPhone Manifesto: A guide to 21st Century fanaticism

Posted by STARR KESHET

A specter is haunting the world — the specter of Apple. All the powers of the industry have entered into an unholy alliance to exorcise this specter:  Google and Microsoft, Palm and HP, Blackberry radicals and corporate police-spies.

But all have been cut down, one by one. 

The old guard, led by Microsoft, has little to offer in the consumer mobile space and even less in the enterprise sector - which is currently dominated by corporate BlackBerry drones dressed in unfashionable suits and ties.

Palm and HP have fared little better, despite promises of a better future in which the bourgeoisie will be lulled into a peaceful capitalist trance by listening to the sweet siren lullabies of WebOS.

And so the agitated masses have passed the burning torch of resistance to Google.

Led by a crack team of proletariat developers, Google has done its best to counter Apple's blitzkrieg in the mobile space by deploying brigades of intelligent Androids that fear nothing, not even death itself. 

But Google has only slowed - rather than halted - Apple's inevitable march to world domination. 

Indeed, the "magical" iPad has already claimed over three million souls in just 80 days, while the iPhone 4 is poised to conquer what is left of the free world. 

The days are certainly dark, dear reader. But we have nothing to lose but our chains!

So, let the ruling Apple-classes tremble at our cries for Revolution!

We must declare that our ends can be attained only by adopting a viable alternative to Apple and supporting the opposition.

If we fail, the future will undoubtedly be bleak, with never-ending lines of brainwashed individuals clamoring for overpriced merchandise like heroin-addicted junkies on a weekend bender.

Long live the Revolution!