Tivo Roamio goes too far on price and not far enough on innovation

Posted by Emory Kale
We've orgasmatron'd ourselves into a stupor over Chromecast, but we still have four TiVo boxes lying around the house, one is out of use, and one is even a TiVo Premier HD, or some such crap.
 
TiVo Roamio pricing sucks.
 
Now, TiVo has upgraded their boxes with the Roamio, no relation to the Roomba, and definitely not as tasty as a Rum Baba.
 
Here's what Tivo says about it and our reply:
 
A love that never has to end with Out of Home Streaming capability... Access to your recordings wherever you roam.** A hotel in Denmark, the waiting room at the dentist office, or while stuck in line at the DMV -- coming soon, you will be connected to your favorite shows and recordings anywhere, anytime.
 
We already are and it doesn't cost us hundreds of dollars.
 
Love SOOOO many at the same time... Avoid scheduling conflicts because Roamio has up to 6 tuners and can record all the good shows on Sunday to watch throughout the week.
 
With so much on-demand content, recording stuff is not a priority anymore. It's not something that we dwell on.
 
Streaming + favorite cable channels = A match made in Heaven... Regular cable channels like HBO, NBC or ESPN and the capabilities of your standard cable DVR combined with popular streaming services like Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube, plus Amazon in ONE box. 
 
Hey, TiVo, ever notice how everyone one of those services already streams anywhere, any device, anytime?
 
No other cable DVR brings Netflix to your big screen. None.
A marriage of every box or device out there... It's like Roku, Apple TV, Slingbox, Google TV, your cable DVR -- rolled into one.
 
Your heart's desire right away with a personalized dashboard... Immediately, get your favorite channels, shows and preferences in front of you the instant you turn on your TV. A baseball fan will never miss an exciting no hitter in the 9th inning again thanks to TiVo.
 
Baseball is really boring. No one wants to TiVo a whole game, and Sportscenter is really good at running highlights. If we want to watch sports, we prefer to sit in a bar with likeminded drunks and scream at the screen away from the girlfriend.
 
Room for many fish in the sea with 3 TB of unprecedented storage capacity... Up to 450 hours of HD storage means you'll never be forced to erase that "Duck Dynasty" episode you haven't been able to watch yet.
 
Hey, TiVo, you heard of cloud storage? It seems to be unlimited.
 
Searching and searching for love? No more! Easy access to anything you have been longing for with one remote -- wherever you are. If "NCIS" on CBS, a TED Talk on YouTube or "Thomas the Train" on Netflix is your desire, TiVo makes it easy to find them, record, download or stream them anytime, anywhere. Find upcoming new episodes or reruns of past episodes or seasons of a favorite show on streaming services or your cable VOD.
 
We don't look for love on TV. We just need a temporary anesthetic to take away the pain of our existence.
 
It's not stalking with TiVo... Find and play everything your favorite movie star is in. Automatically record every movie in which Matt Damon or Reese Witherspoon appear.
 
Matt Damon and Reese Witherspoon? We've never looked for either of them on anything. 
 
True loves are so easy to find -- all of them... From 'Citizen Kane' to 'Argo,' all are a snap to find and watch with TiVo Collections where you can automatically record Academy Award winners from any year. Automatically record Emmy Award winners, Sundance Film Festival awardees and many ways to capture award-winning movies and TV with the press of a single button.
 
Obviously, TiVo, you have not sat through the last 7 Oscar telecasts. They blow huge chunks.
 
TiVo Mini pricing and functionality just doesn't make sense.
 
Surprisingly, this true love is not even monogamous... TiVo Roamio delivers incredible TV to multiple televisions in the home or out of the home via tablets and smartphones.** Stream TV or recorded content. Go ahead, play the field.
 
We only watch one TV at a time. It really isn't that important to get The Mentalist following us around the house.
 
The ultimate love affair... There's nothing out there in the cable TV world that comes close to the entirety of TiVo. Being able to have the ultimate TV love affair and save money while you are doing it? Ahhh, how could you NOT love that?
 
We hate the cable companies. That is why we have Netflix, HuluPlus, and a bitchin' FIOS Internet connection.
 
Glad we could be of service. Good luck, TiVo. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.