Google tests Twitter integration in ads

Posted by Emory Kale

Baboons with MBAs who can type 140 characters a minute jump to front of employment line.

According to a report in ClickZ, Google has been testing new display ad integration with Twitter. The testing is being done by a small group of advertisers, part of some secret inner sanctum, which isn't that secret anymore.

You will be able to avoid these so-called ads because the blue bird of death, otherwise known as the Twitter bird, is supposed to appear in the corner of the ad. The ads themselves will have, you guessed it, the latest tweets from the advertiser.

Advertisers, never ones to shy from spending money on any fad or trend that gets them noticed despite its damaging effects on their souls and libidos, are not new to abusing us with Twitter. Volvo used DoubleClick's rich media dynamic data feed feature to get a Twitter feed into ads on YouTube back in 2009.

Joy, rapture, elation, mass copulation. We can all rest easy knowing that those of us that actually choose to follow a feed, any feed, from AN ADVERTISER, will now be able to get our oh so important marketing messages in real time in our ads, too.

Who are we? Who are the people who are dumb enough to follow a company that is trying to sell them something? I mean, what do you do for fun, chase used car salesmen down and ask them out to lunch so they'll have a chance to get to know you better?

Real-time marketing messages from our favorite product whores, all the time, everywhere. Obviously, the only people benefiting from this are typing monkeys and their employers at the big fancy ad agencies. They don't drink that much, and work for bananas. But, to give them an exalted position on the Internets, the opportunity to hammer us in real time, through Google, well, that just makes no sense. The price of bananas is going to go through the roof, and potassium deficiency is bad, very bad.

Twitter has one chance of redeeming itself, and it depends solely on its ability to get Donald Glover the job of playing Spider-Man in the next movie. There, I said it.