Cut-price iPhones at Walmart: Not Cool!

Posted by Emory Kale

Hipsters in mass suicide pact upon realization that Apple products will be used by people wearing sweats and shopping at, uhm, Walmart.

This is funny because it is true. For those of us who find ourselves laughing hysterically at anyone, and I mean anyone, who thinks that having a certain mobile phone makes them cool, the news that Walmart is going to sell 16GB iPhone 3GS phones for $97 is priceless joy.

Suck it, hipsters. This is your granny's iPhone, and she is going to be getting it with a pair of baggy jeans that button up just below the nipple line.

Walmart, people! Nothing cool or good has ever come out of Walmart. It is the place you go to buy stuff cheap. This swimming pool is cheap. This person never shops at Walmart.

Ergo, ipso facto, the iPhone is, henceforth, just another phone. QED.

Of course, there are mitigating circumstances. First, Apple is clearing the decks for its new iPhone 4G, or whatever the heck it is going to be called. Secondly, you still need a two year contract with AT&T which, much like any Faustian bargain, will end up not turning out well.

I actually feel sorry for the guy who still ponies up three dollars short of $300 for the 32GB iPhone 3GS. Dude, you is pwned.