Norway and Iceland conspire to end world

Posted by Emory Kale

Icelandic volcano ends air travel. Norway being run with an iPad out of Madrid airport. Steve Jobs to shift more continental plates.

Iceland, still mad at the rest of the world for stranding it in the middle of the Atlantic, spews ash across the European continent, grounding 17,000 flights, according to the Washington Post, and forcing the Prime Minister of Norway to run his country using an iPad and a bag of peanuts, sitting in Madrid airport. According to CNN.

Remember when CNN was cool. No, I don't either.

Meanwhile, it is quite clear to anyone with half a brain, Apple will do anything to get people to use an iPad. Even going as far as causing countries to come crashing down while their Prime Minister is busy on Tweet Mapper. The Norwegian dude did try to say he had other means of communicating with his country, but apparently it didn't stretch to buying a Nokia phone. Norwegian can't bear the thought of giving those damn Finns an inch.

Iceland is about 6,000 square miles, but it has 35 active volcanoes out of 200 just hanging around waiting for their turn to stick it to British Airways and Lufthansa. The island nation that is most well known for banning strippers and strip clubs, sits on two massive continental plates, and its volcanic ash is among the finest around. The latest eruption in Iceland was that of Eyjafjallajökull, a place that remains angrier than the rest of the country because not only is it in the middle of nowhere, but it has a ridiculous name. The Eyjafjallajökull eruption, scarily enough, could trigger a much bigger reaction from nearby Mount Katla. At that point, Apple will be embedding iPads in everyone and running the world from a bunker underneath Max's Opera Cafe in Burlingame, California.

I will be nekkid on Twitter all weekend and experimenting with hallucinogenic legumes while running Luxembourg from my iPhone. It's the weekend, chill, dude.