Apple trademarks iFlail; patents displacement device

Posted by Emory Kale

Is Steve Jobs digging in dumpsters for inspiration? Vows to never put an "i" before "e" except after "c."

In a move that has shocked the tech world only days before the launch of the iPad, Apple seems to be moving in on abnormally irrational behavior markets everywhere. The company was recently found to have trademarked the name iFlail, and the patent office in the US has also granted the company a patent for "an interactive displacement device." The device is designed to mimick the actions of incredulous shoppers who fail to buy a product at launch. iFlailers, as they are likely to be called, suffer from low self esteem and a sense of urgency heightened by the lack of sexual conent in their lives.

Nevertheless, we're shocked by Apple's latest moves.

However, some analysts are not surprised. Flannery McMichaelean, who is often seen pilfering drinks at The End Up, San Francisco's hotbed of retro techno, is also a noted Apple blogger and Steve Jobs confidant. He says, "Once, I was digging through a trash can at the back of the Metreon and I saw a guy who look liked he needs a jobs and he was digging in the dirt. So, I says to him, Whachya doin'? And he says, Diggin' for rainbows, man."

Unfortunately, we have no way of verifying any of this because we are lazy and don't get paid much anyways. What we do know for a fact is that Apple has a long history of putting an "i" before a word and creating products that are flattish. Could the iFlail be another flattish product?

Boy, we hope so.