Nobody move or the iPhone gets it

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Proof, were it needed, that some people really shouldn’t be allowed out on their own, reaches us from Cincinnati, where a whackjob threatened to pop a cap in his recalcitrant iPhone’s sorry ass in front of horrified Apple staff.

38 year old Ohio man Donald Goodrich was arrested Friday for brandishing a stylish black 9mm pistol at his local Apple Store in Kenwood Towne Centre and threatening to shoot his iPhone because it wasn’t showing him enough respect.

Goodrich walked up to the Genius Bar, and screamed: "I'm so mad, I could pop a 9mm at it. I’ll do it right now! Look!" He then opened his shirt, revealing a concealed weapon.

You feeling lucky, punk?

Apple worker Chelsea Levine attempted to calm Goodrich by taking him over to a technician saying they’d fix the phone, while her manager called the cops. When they arrived they arrested Goodrich for aggravated menacing, as employees and customers quite reasonably said they had felt threatened by his actions.

Although Goodrich has – or at least, had – a permit to carry concealed weapons, he failed to mention to the cops that he was packing heat when he was arrested, so he was charged with carrying a concealed weapon as well.

Goodrich was held in jail overnight and released on condition that he stays away from the mall and promises to return for the court hearing.

The iPhone is receiving counselling. There’s an app for that. Probably.