Feds watched porn as Wall Street collapsed

Posted by Starr Keshet

There are apparently three constants in the lives of modern men and women: death, taxes and porn. Well, hopefully not in that order.

So it should come as little surprise that senior agency staffers at the Securities and Exchange Commission spent many productive hours surfing pornographic websites on government-issued computers as Wall Street collapsed in a burning heap. 

Feds watched porn as Wall Street collapsedYes indeed, folks, this is a story that would make even Emperor Nero of ancient Rome blush.

What exactly were they thinking, you ask?

"Hmmm. This is the end of the world as we know it. What should I do? Oh, I know, I'll download some porn. That will make everything better."

Can you say instant gratification? 

Yes, please, I'll have some, right here, right now. 



Why not? I mean, a senior attorney at the SEC's Washington headquarters apparently spent up to eight hours a day looking at and downloading hard core sex clips.

The attorney - who was obviously dedicated to his or her cause (and right hand) - burned the files to DVDs after running out of hard drive space.

Sheesh, 

I guess size really does matter!!!

Well, I suppose it could be worse. I mean, who knows? Is Obama secretly plotting to impose a special tax on porn?

Seriously, don't touch my porn, dude. You can take everything else - but at least leave me that!